Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve is a special day for Matthew and I.

It is the most difficult of the holiday season for us, that anticipation of the holiday without our girl is always much worse than it is in reality.  On Christmas Eve we have a tradition of going to decorate Ava’s tree together.  This year Matt had to work for most of the day and I was not sure we were going to be able to get out there before going to my family for our Christmas Eve traditions.  Luckily, Matthew came home just in time and we were able to go.
I love this tradition and never want it to end.  I love that it is just our little family, together, for Ava.  I love the privacy of it.  The snow, quietly falling as we are the only people in the park.  It feels sacred.  It is an incredibly difficult moment, hanging the ornaments, knowing this is all we really get to do for her at Christmas.  We donate presents in her name, and hang her stocking but this still feels like the only act of parenting we get.  This year it hurt just as much as the past, both of us breaking down quietly yet our hearts felt lighter as Lillian was with us. I hope one day that the pain of this tradition eases and we find greater joy in it as we share it with Ava’s sister.
A surprise from Oma. My Mom went and decorated her tree with a bow  early Christmas morning.  Very sweet.

We chose bells and candy cane’s this year.  Something bright and festive

Matthew decorating

Lillian supervising