Life management and the high risk pregnancy.
This is not an easy task. I have never felt like I have said the word NO so often in my life. I am not someone who has a hard time saying no. I am tremendously giving of time and energy however I know my limits. This pregnancy has TAXED those limits, placed stress on my relationships and been a huge stressor on me. I can see my family members and friends pulling away after I yet again say no. I can see their patience waning, hear the frustration in their voices and it exhausts me. I feel at moments like sitting everyone down and explaining that this is a temporary time but that itself would take emotional energy I do not have to spare right now.
This weekend is a prime example of that.
One of my favourite relatives is visiting from overseas. A good cousin of mine, I adore him. It is a very impromptu visit. He wanted to stay with Matt and I, however, I said no. The stress of hosting right now along with grief, this pregnancy and the costs of hosting on one income? No way. Plus I cannot travel far, so I would not be able to provide him a nice visit and tour of the area. He is staying with my family. Problem? This weekend is my parents 40th wedding anniversary. 40. Of course my parents were going to celebrate (another post about the family celebrations to come.) and that means, hosting for a day. A day I can do.
Matt came up with the idea of taking him to a ML baseball game. In Canada we have one team (stop snickering!) The Blu.e Ja.ys in Toronto. Being that we are only a few hours away and within the travel restrictions. So we all piled in the car (my sister, cousin, Matt and I) and headed off for a day of fun. Matt planned the day to the detail to minimize walking for me. He very much wanted me to have a good day with my family without it being a burden to baby and myself. We parked the car in the North end of the city and took the subway down to the game. We toured down town a little, the Eat.on Ce.ntre shopping mall, Ry,er.son University, had lunch and made our way to the game.
|This photo cracks me up!|
|The boys found the biggest ball park hot dogs and were very proud of themselves|
It has been VERY hot in Ontario and luckily yesterday it was the first chance of rain in weeks. They closed the dome so we sat in complete happy pregnant lady air conditioned comfort. It felt so normal. Laughs, great entertainment, boys overly enthusiastic about the size of ball park food. Just a happy day. I felt fantastic. I felt wonderful! Matt’s plan worked perfectly, I was not stressed and everyone had a great time.
And today I am exhausted.
Simply exhausted and sad. I have a thousand things to do and baby would much rather I stay in, blog and rest. I am wondering if I should have said no to yesterday, I felt well the entire day…and now I am so tired, sad and over done. Like a happiness hang over, grief comes back and smacks into you combining in potent cocktail with pregnancy hormones and fatigue. I wish I knew how to balance grief, the stress of this pregnancy and obligations. Just when I think I find my footing it changes once more. How do you Mama’s do it with little ones at home? Am I the only one that finds this so challenging?