Anxiety fuelled cooking

Some long weekends are just a bust.

It is the Civic holiday in Ontario.  Matt took next week off so we could get a little break together before we hit 30 weeks and our live enters an entirely new dimension of stress.  I have been looking forward to this weekend and following week for ages now.  Of course this is when my immune system kicks out and a head cold slams into me.

This is the first time I have been sick this pregnancy.  I won’t lie and say it is not completely stressing me out, because it is.  My liver ruptured, hemorrhaged, killed my child and almost killed me at 34 weeks.  Apparently, according to the medical professionals my body was struggling for a few weeks prior to.  I am now 28 1/2 weeks pregnant and my body is under stress.  Not cool.  I know the symptoms to watch for, I know when to go to hospital and get attention…I have all the rules.  Rainbow Mama’s know that logic does not make one ounce of difference.  It is taking a lot of mental energy to keep myself from slipping into an anxiety fuelled spiral of paralysing fear.  For the last three days I have done more kick counts, blood pressure readings, mediations and gut checks than I have done so far in this journey combined.  It has been hard.  Very hard.  Definitely not the vacation I was thinking of.

So what is a stressed out rainbow Mama to do?  Well cook!

Now that I am feeling better and beginning to heal I am needing somewhere to put all this pent up anxiety energy.  The weather has finally cooled and the humidity has broken so I have opened the windows and decided it was time to use the oven again.  I made my friend V’s (name changed) banana bread this morning.  The entire house smells fantastic and it is a great way to use up the banana’s piling up in my freezer.  Then this afternoon for a late lunch I made these great bruschetta bites for Matt.

We had half a baguette (almost stale) left over from dinner the other night, plus my overly enthusiastic planting of multiple tomato plants now means we have an inordinate number of tomatoes to use up.  So why not bruschetta!  I fried the bread in high quality olive oil, and then topped it with a tomato, fresh garden basil, garlic and romano cheese mixture.  Yum!  Best use of leftovers!

I am hoping by tomorrow the sinus pressure subsides and I can get back to feeling like my normal self again. We have a number of high stress doctor appointments this week and I want to be mentally ready for them.  If I can get feeling better than hopefully I can get my game face on and go in ready.  The Wednesday appointment with the anaesthesiologist is particularly important, good thing I have a couple days to prep for it.

It is either that or be completely out of groceries by Wednesday from cooking up a frenzy.