I have struggled getting ready for this baby. I have written about how hard it has been to buy any baby items or to prepare mentally, emotionally for this child and perhaps a subsequent loss.
At the beginning of this pregnancy I believed if I just did not prepare for this little one, no nursery, no baby clothes …it would be easier. We all know how foolish we feel to have a house filled with baby stuff and no baby. Then it occurred to me that I am going to need a space to grieve Beta if we lose her. With Ava I finished her nursery the week before she died…I spent many hours in there with empty arms mourning our girl. If we lose Beta, I will need that same grieving space. Ava’s nursery was so sacred and important to me in the grieving process, Beta needs the same space. I will need that same space with her (before we pack up this house and run far away…because if we lose Beta I will not be living here long!)
As morbid as it may sound to my friends reading this whom have not lost, I began to create a beautiful nursery for Beta in my mind that can be used if we bring her home and if we do not. A space just for Beta. A place for Beta and I to spend time together… come what may.
Due to my health restrictions we needed to have her nursery completed by about 30 weeks. I want to be resting and spending time with Beta in her space, preparing after that. Matt and I had to come up with a plan for our small bungalow. We have three bedrooms; our room, Ava’s room and Matt’s office. Ava’s room is tiny. So very very tiny. Almost too tiny for a nursery. We made it work but I never loved it. We decided to turn Ava’s room into the guest room for our double bed, Matt’s office would move to our newly renovated basement and his office would become Beta’s room. We have been hard at work for the last month moving his office and we are now beginning the nursery. Beta’s room has never been touched decor wise. We have reno-ed almost every space in the house but this one so we have to paint and put down new carpet and move in the furniture.
Yesterday I went out and starting to put into action the vision I have had in my mind. I bought the first few pieces of her room and I am thrilled with them.
This metal wall hanging is larger than it looks. It could easily hang over the changing table or on one of the smaller walls. It is large, sparkly and feminine.
This picture does not do the curtains justice. These are the curtains and a sample of the paint chip. The walls will be oyster and these curtains are FABULOUS. Heavy, thick, long, will run floor to ceiling, just a slight ruffle …dramatic. I will still need to put a rolling shade behind as a black out. Again, fabulous. Once I complete the room I will post pictures.
It feels like a healthy start.