A mess of a Tuesday

Well today it happened.

The first emergency trip to the E.R.

We made it 31 weeks.  31 long weeks of mantras, deep breathes and logical thinking.

Part of me is proud me made is 31 weeks and the other part is a little disappointed.

The last few days when I brushed my teeth my gums have bled.  They never bleed (I am a little neurotic about my teeth and make sure they are super healthy.)  Then this morning I got up red marks on my arms.  Little tiny red pin marks.  3 of them, all clustered together.  Add that to the monster bruise I am still sporting from Thursday’s blood draw and my mind said “platelet problem?”  I immediately hit our notes from all of our Dr. appointments.  Matt makes detailed notes at each appointment for times such as this, my little nerdy husband …and sure enough in there he had written down the warning signs of low platelets.

  • Bleeding gums —-check
  • Red pin marks —-check
  • Easy bruising —-hard to say
  • Inability to concentrate —-no
  • Fatigue —-no
  • Dizziness—-no
2/3 out of 6.  Considering that my platelets dropped from normal to 14 blood transfusion and life threatening in a matter of hours with Ava at 34 weeks, we figured 2/3 out of 6 was reasons enough to get in the car. We called our midwife, alerted her to our situation as well as called ahead to our Dr’s office to let him know we were coming.  
When we got to triage it was the busiest I have ever seen it.  I mean BUSY.  The clerk who checked us in warned us of the wait and essentialy stated that we were low priority.  That is fine! I will be low priority. I need to be safe.  After waiting for almost an hour our favourite Dr. came around the doctor with his smiling face.  He looked me over, appalled at my arm bruise, looked at my pin marks and listened to our anxiety filled query.  He said that the pin marks on my arms were not low platelets but rather a different condition in pregnancy and told me what to look for with the pin marks he talked to us about.  He ordered a blood draw to check my platelets and generally patted us on the head (metaphorically) telling us all is well.  
Then he lands a bombshell on us.  I did my glucose screening last week and it came back an 8.  When I called his office they told me 8 was acceptable and normal, except he now says 7.8 is normal and 8 is “abnormal.”  .2 of a difference.  He then informed me I would have to do a 2 hour glucose test with a special diet going into it.  It was one of those moments where everything spun.  Here I was, sitting the waiting room 5 mins ago trying to convince myself that she would not be born today, that babies can survive at 31 weeks, that this isn’t the beginning of another end…and now she is fine and I have to do more glucose testing?  Everything went fuzzy.  I couldn’t ask the right questions, I couldn’t think straight.  All I heard was, your platelets are fine.  That is all I wanted to hear.  Now I wanted to go home.  I watched Matt and the Dr talk, and then was led off to the the blood draw unable to think.
Matt informed me we would have to wait half an hour for the results, so we might as well get some lunch.  He led me downstairs to the cafeteria where I sat in a haze, eating whatever it was that he bought us for lunch. It just didn’t make sense. One moment we are scared for our lives and the next we are fine and oh yah, you might be diabetic.  Another test? Another disease? Seriously? I can only handle so many diseases at once! My off survival switch was hit, hard.  I was not ready to come out and deal with another disease.
We had to go back upstairs once more to find out that my platelets are indeed normal *yay!* and they are allowing us to go home.  I could not have been happier to leave with Beta still kicking in my belly.  
So now I am at home,haze lifted, among my loathed baby books reading everything about glucose screening I can find.  This secondary glucose test sounds brutal. 3 hours in a lab, after eating your face off for three days (not something I do.  I am careful with my diet)  Fasting overnight, 3 blood draws, and a vomitious 75mg glucose drink that is known for making your heart race and dizziness.  Sounds like a fun way to spend a morning!   Not to mention after I came home and began to think, research and pause on it a moment…I have  MILLION questions.  I ate breakfast before the 1 hour test, was I supposed to?  If I am delivering her at term (37 weeks) by scheduled CSection why do we care?  Can I simply modify my diet now?  How big of a deal is .2? If stress is such a huge concern for me, and this test will stress me massively…which is the lesser of the evils?  The stress or the sugar?  
Our Dr suggested we do the test as soon as we want, and I have another appointment at the hospital with a different MFM on Monday (my Dr will be away.)  I think I may just wait until I speak to an MFM so I can have a chance to ask my questions. I don’t like impulse and that little Mama voice in my soul is telling me this is not right. I feel like we are missing the big picture here.  
What a mess of a Tuesday.  The entire thing just left me sad.  Sad and tired from all the medical treatment, sad because I take Beta with me on this stressful journey …I just want to protect my baby girl from all of this chaos.  Sad as I have to gear up for either yet another disease or yet another battle, all of which feels like it takes me so far from what we want, our girl alive.